Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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