I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i will never coherently bang her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You are a genius and a whore.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
