Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
