I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
