your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
