I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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