you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
