dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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