Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
