So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
