At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
