I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
