beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
