We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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