If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
