He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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