Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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