Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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