i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Boobs speak an international language.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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