toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
