Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
