My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
