i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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