She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
