We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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