i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
