After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
