I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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