I wish I could punch you in the face.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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