I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
