I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize