The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
