her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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