I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
