K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
