Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
