Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
