you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
