i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
