Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
