I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Randomize
