the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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