Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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