i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
