I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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