eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
