Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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