Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
