So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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