Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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