i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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