you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
