so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
