Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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