I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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