I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
