I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He felt like a one man threesome
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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