I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
