yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
