I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
