I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
