I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
