When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
