She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize