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this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
