dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
