I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
