Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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