yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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