Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize